Cracks of illusion II

You were there… pervading everything… like the dew over the grass through the infinite dawns all around. Moments tinged with millions of hopes that presaged just tragic endings…
Today, in the middle of so much harmony, magnificence, in this paradise of revival and cruel renewal, at last… all my suspicions… fears… have been revealed.
Yes! You were there all the time… silent, wrapped in a deafening silence. Now I can recall the scent from that silence, those previous instants before the tragedy. Those crumbs of eternity that will accompany me until a perpetual vigil takes over myself and… you will come to me to caress me as well. Because… no doubt… you will caress me.
I am seeing you the scene… the most important one I could star ever: I am waiting… waiting for you. Solitude is my best friend, my accomplice… my last ally. It is a time in which tinsels wither, where all the accessories melt into Nothingness… in which everything is what it looks like.
And I see you coming to me… You don’t dress in black. I am not surprised about it. You are not wrapped in mystery. Your countenance is freed, your silhouette covers everything like the sun above the clouds. You came because you must. I bless your arrival because I have to. You smile at the time to contemplate me. You smile as none ever before. Such a wonderful smile! You stretch out your hand. I take it. It is warm and friendly. I look in the eye: green as the most beautiful meadow once was created. And your expression… I sense the act is about to conclude… the circle is about to close.
A curtain of silence surrounds us. I contemplate your look again. How many things I would like to tell you! How much to do left! How much remaining!
Between us there is no need of words. I understand that our spirits are fused… we are not two, but just one. You have just realized.
The soft pressure from your hand indicates me the moment has finally arrived… we must cross the frontiers… Music and chords… meadows and uncultivated lands… concerts and remoteness… sensitivities and atrocities… all my pusillanimity and pathos…
It is not possible to change what is written. It is not possible to hide the soul into the junk.
My feet start moving… We go hand by hand, together soul and body… Darkness… Oceans of darkness… My hand is warmly oppressed… I look at her… the most extraordinary smile flood her face… I do understand… I start smiling as well… lightly but sincerely…

I don’t know how much time has passed. I wake up literally drenched. I probably got unconscious. I tremble because of cold. The ecstasy of sunrise is coming to an end. After a while, in my timeless world I get in the car and start driving. I can’t think. I feel feverish. However, deep inside everything seems to be in its right place. Again, on the road. A road… a path… an unknown fate… destination. From the mists of my hallucinations I can see the gift of a scenery extraordinary… trees as golden apostles… the rain as the breeze from thousands kingdoms… solitude as the most faithful friend in the maze of the hesitation…
Something, probably the singing of the mermaids of my heart, reminds me the notion of time. How curious! Thoughts as daggers… darts of consciousness… and the truth from the rain is again revealed to me: Time is the only thing we all have…
I see a small town arisen from the ashes of my dreams. Just some houses built in the bowels of precious mountains… I would swear they taste of truces from needed wars. I must rest. My whole being needs it. Rest in peace my friend. Nourishment for your halo. An inn… a roof… in an unsheltered procession.
The shower will not clean my blindness, neither the food…
Despite my lack of physical strength I go for a stroll. It is a beautiful night. Sad and mysterious like life itself. Empty streets of a winter showing its best galas. Faithful and alone… walking through the walls of a destination already determined. That sense of lost gives me such a purifying sensation! Small treasures… there… so close… so far away…
A succession of houses… a parade of alleys… a trap in a world in disguise. The streets were made with cobbled paving. The facades show the greatness from a splendor now in decay. None around. Just shadows on duty. Out of the blue, someone shows up taking his taciturn look with him. He disappears as if he had never existed before.
I keep walking. How odd! The village tastes of semi-darkness. A heady cold embraces every single house… each life, now hidden behind those perennial walls… lives probably close to the chimney willing to remember no more… still and hopeless… powerless and doomed…
I imagine the softness of their predictable conversations, printed on the air forever… the color of their looks… the aversion to the horizon… the siding of their bravery…
A tempest of sadness takes me adrift. A drift made of an infinite desolation that bathes the most profound parts of my soul.
By breathing in the cold… filling myself with impossible desires left by others in the sanctuary of light, I sense from the bottom of my heart that any moment must be good to die.
From far… very far away it comes the pitiful bark of a dog, bark that takes me back to reality. And here I am: embracing the ecstasy of freedom… in the middle of a street with no name, in a village with no name… with a nameless destination… a nameless fate… looking at the black sky feeding myself with premonitions of a hopeless future, awaiting that holy sign that takes me to fuse into the Nothingness and constitute the ending of an existence which should never have started…