-Approach day by day life affirming the possibility of happiness in all its events.
-If happiness requires a worthy long-term vision and an affirmative attitude that happiness is a possibility in life's day to day events, it also, I believe, requires a third and final ingredient. Happiness almost always has something to do with others.
-The happiest person I know is a monk. His life is, in a way, a living heaven. What is your secret? I asked him. His reply? Every day, in every encounter with every person, he said, I tell myself, I could die at any moment. This person I am speaking to now may be the last person I ever speak to. I need to love him, to care about him, more than any other person I've ever met.
-It's too late.
For you it is not too late. I pray that you will not just go along, that you will not confuse short-range objectives with a lifetime vision. Be tough enough to contemplate the prospect of your own death, your own temporariness, and ask yourself: Who do I want to be? Seek the great vision. What do I want to accomplish before I die? Each one of our lives is passing away. Grasp each moment as if it were your last: approach each moment thinking of it in terms of its possibilities. Finally, remember that you can be happy only if you are able to break out of your shell, to burst the prison of self-envelopment. Happiness comes most of all from caring more about others than you care about yourself.
-If you want to be happy, you begin by accepting reality, and the reality is that you don't deserve anything in life. Life doesn't owe you a damned thing; and you don't always get what you want.
-Face reality, expect trouble, and work constructively to deal with whatever life dishes out to you. Then, instead of being a victim, you will be the captain of your own destiny in thepursuit of happiness: expecting obstacles and roadblocks along the way, willing to seek the help of God and man, looking always ahead, with hope and cheerfulness, for new opportunities.
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
With love and prayers by F. Jarvis. Quotes IV
-But I was wrong. If anything I am less happy because I now realize that in the future when I get something I think I want, like a good job, that will not make me happy either.
-There is nothing wrong with wanting to get into a good college. But, far more, I hope you know why you want to do that in terms of a much larger vision for your life. Getting into college is a good short-term goal, but it is not an ultimate vision for life.
-Any worthy long-term vision must take life's most basic realities into account. Nothing more certain, about our lives than our own deaths. How desperately we try to avoid considering death!
-I never thought about dying. We we are all going to die. If you want a great vision for your life, you need to begin by dealing with that single most certain reality.
-Happiness in life comes from a worthy vision of all of life, in all its reality including the inevitability of our own death. Try to imagine yourself at your own funeral. What is it that you want people to say about you? That's the question you have to answer if you want to find a long-range vision for your life. What do you want people to say about you when you are dead?
-Who we want to be?
-It has been said that the saddest words in any language are: it's too late. For many people my age, it is almost too late. They find themselves trapped. You have the greatest treasure of all on your side: time.
-Your vision of who you want to be will become deeper and richer and wiser as you mature. But the very fact that right now you step aside from the day to day concerns and pressures and ask the ultimate questions will prevent you from just going along in life. The very fact that you try now to find a vision that will encompass all the years you will be here on earth will help prevent you from drifting through life, mistaking short-term goals for long-term visions.
-There is nothing wrong with wanting to get into a good college. But, far more, I hope you know why you want to do that in terms of a much larger vision for your life. Getting into college is a good short-term goal, but it is not an ultimate vision for life.
-Any worthy long-term vision must take life's most basic realities into account. Nothing more certain, about our lives than our own deaths. How desperately we try to avoid considering death!
-I never thought about dying. We we are all going to die. If you want a great vision for your life, you need to begin by dealing with that single most certain reality.
-Happiness in life comes from a worthy vision of all of life, in all its reality including the inevitability of our own death. Try to imagine yourself at your own funeral. What is it that you want people to say about you? That's the question you have to answer if you want to find a long-range vision for your life. What do you want people to say about you when you are dead?
-Who we want to be?
-It has been said that the saddest words in any language are: it's too late. For many people my age, it is almost too late. They find themselves trapped. You have the greatest treasure of all on your side: time.
-Your vision of who you want to be will become deeper and richer and wiser as you mature. But the very fact that right now you step aside from the day to day concerns and pressures and ask the ultimate questions will prevent you from just going along in life. The very fact that you try now to find a vision that will encompass all the years you will be here on earth will help prevent you from drifting through life, mistaking short-term goals for long-term visions.
With love and prayers by F. Jarvis. Quotes III
-If you want to be healed, restored, reinvigorated, you must stop and wait upon the Lord, stop and take stock.
-There is something in our matures that makes us resist thinking, resist helping ourselves. There is a fear of stopping, a fear of taking stock, of thinking about ourselves. We need to overcome that inner rebelliousness to take control, to take charge of our own lives. We need to stop. The Quakes call this centering down, quieting ourselves, waiting upon the Lord.
-We stop in life in order to look and listen for clues about the meaning and purpose of our lives. We find meaning only if we are looking and listening for it.
-You never see unless you stop and look diligently.
-If you stop and assiduously look for the meaning of your life, your goals and objectives, a star will always appear and guide you, perhaps not where you think you want to go, but to a truth greater than you can imagine.
-St. Luke tells us in his Gospel that when the angels sang their song that night, only the shepherds heard it. The shepherds were the lowest class of society. They were out in their fields, in the silence of the night, watching their sheep, listening.
-The foolish among you will say, because I don't see it, it isn't there. Because I don't hear it, it isn't there. The wise among you will realize that to see and hear you have to stop and be quiet. You have to center down. You have to shut up. You have to wait. Then you will see and then you will hear.
-Having myself lived in a glass house, however, I cannot throw stones.
-All of life should be an awakening of awareness.
-The reality beyond sensual, that reality that cannot be seen or touched or heard or smelled. to our awareness of that Reality that, though impenetrable to us, really exists.
-It's been my experience, that's it's often the nuts who ask the ultimate questions.
-If any of your boys want to become doctors, send them to me. I will tell them why they should not. I no longer enjoy what I do. Why do you keep doing it, then? I asked him. Because I like the things I can buy with the money I make. And he talked about his cars, his stereos, and the other adult toys he buys to give him moments of pleasure amid a life he hates, moments of escape from the pain.
-There is something in our matures that makes us resist thinking, resist helping ourselves. There is a fear of stopping, a fear of taking stock, of thinking about ourselves. We need to overcome that inner rebelliousness to take control, to take charge of our own lives. We need to stop. The Quakes call this centering down, quieting ourselves, waiting upon the Lord.
-We stop in life in order to look and listen for clues about the meaning and purpose of our lives. We find meaning only if we are looking and listening for it.
-You never see unless you stop and look diligently.
-If you stop and assiduously look for the meaning of your life, your goals and objectives, a star will always appear and guide you, perhaps not where you think you want to go, but to a truth greater than you can imagine.
-St. Luke tells us in his Gospel that when the angels sang their song that night, only the shepherds heard it. The shepherds were the lowest class of society. They were out in their fields, in the silence of the night, watching their sheep, listening.
-The foolish among you will say, because I don't see it, it isn't there. Because I don't hear it, it isn't there. The wise among you will realize that to see and hear you have to stop and be quiet. You have to center down. You have to shut up. You have to wait. Then you will see and then you will hear.
-Having myself lived in a glass house, however, I cannot throw stones.
-All of life should be an awakening of awareness.
-The reality beyond sensual, that reality that cannot be seen or touched or heard or smelled. to our awareness of that Reality that, though impenetrable to us, really exists.
-It's been my experience, that's it's often the nuts who ask the ultimate questions.
-If any of your boys want to become doctors, send them to me. I will tell them why they should not. I no longer enjoy what I do. Why do you keep doing it, then? I asked him. Because I like the things I can buy with the money I make. And he talked about his cars, his stereos, and the other adult toys he buys to give him moments of pleasure amid a life he hates, moments of escape from the pain.
Tuesday, March 26, 2019
With love and prayers by F. Jarvis. Quotes II
-All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
-Knowledge and wisdom are not the same.
-I see so many people just going through the motions: get into a good school so you can get into a good college so you can get a good job so you can get a better job so you can get rich and die. I want more than knowledge; I want wisdom. I don't want to exist; I want to live.
-Remember to be modest.
-Greed does not bring happiness. If you want to be happy, you have to go beyond self-interest.
-Choose to live. Born originals. How comes it to pass that we die copies? Given the opportunity to live, how comes it to pass that so many choose only to exist?
-The only life worth living is the hard life. The hard life is the better way. Whatever else the harder way is, it is not dull. It is, I would submit, much more exciting, much more rewarding, and, dare we say it, much more fun.
-It may well be that the most valuable experiences we have in adolescence are not our triumphs or our successes or our popularity, but rather our disappointments and defeats and rejections. We grow more through our sufferings than through our successes.
-How to react to life's realities?
1. Sit down and make a list of all the things I have to do, all the obligations, all the worries.
2. To do something, anything, to get my mind off my own problems.
3. Cut problems up in smaller pieces.
4. Count your blessings.
5. Ask for help.
6. Seek of Divine help in prayer.
-If a school is preparing young people for life, and it is, it would be cruelly wrong to give young people the impression that life is devoid of pain, to give adolescents the impression that in life you don't have to get along with people you don't like or perform tasks that are difficult or unpleasant.
-A mature attitude toward life begins with the premise that life does not accommodate itself to us; we must accommodate ourselves to life. And life often presents us with difficulties.
-We have to adjust ourselves to life's inconveniences, to life's disappointments. We don't get everything we want. We can waste a lot of energy blaming people, complaining or lamenting. But people who have a mature attitude expect that they will have to come to grips with the disappointments life doles out.
-We are not victims. Just because life does not fulfill your every hope does not mean that you have to adopt the attitude of a victim.
-Lowering of expectation alone as an attitude can be nothing more than craven pessimism, disillusioned cynicism. It must always be accompanied by idealism.
-Knowledge and wisdom are not the same.
-I see so many people just going through the motions: get into a good school so you can get into a good college so you can get a good job so you can get a better job so you can get rich and die. I want more than knowledge; I want wisdom. I don't want to exist; I want to live.
-Remember to be modest.
-Greed does not bring happiness. If you want to be happy, you have to go beyond self-interest.
-Choose to live. Born originals. How comes it to pass that we die copies? Given the opportunity to live, how comes it to pass that so many choose only to exist?
-The only life worth living is the hard life. The hard life is the better way. Whatever else the harder way is, it is not dull. It is, I would submit, much more exciting, much more rewarding, and, dare we say it, much more fun.
-It may well be that the most valuable experiences we have in adolescence are not our triumphs or our successes or our popularity, but rather our disappointments and defeats and rejections. We grow more through our sufferings than through our successes.
-How to react to life's realities?
1. Sit down and make a list of all the things I have to do, all the obligations, all the worries.
2. To do something, anything, to get my mind off my own problems.
3. Cut problems up in smaller pieces.
4. Count your blessings.
5. Ask for help.
6. Seek of Divine help in prayer.
-If a school is preparing young people for life, and it is, it would be cruelly wrong to give young people the impression that life is devoid of pain, to give adolescents the impression that in life you don't have to get along with people you don't like or perform tasks that are difficult or unpleasant.
-A mature attitude toward life begins with the premise that life does not accommodate itself to us; we must accommodate ourselves to life. And life often presents us with difficulties.
-We have to adjust ourselves to life's inconveniences, to life's disappointments. We don't get everything we want. We can waste a lot of energy blaming people, complaining or lamenting. But people who have a mature attitude expect that they will have to come to grips with the disappointments life doles out.
-We are not victims. Just because life does not fulfill your every hope does not mean that you have to adopt the attitude of a victim.
-Lowering of expectation alone as an attitude can be nothing more than craven pessimism, disillusioned cynicism. It must always be accompanied by idealism.
Monday, March 25, 2019
With love and prayers by F. Jarvis. Quotes
-People say you can call yourself fortunate if you are happy with two-thirds or more of your life. I love ninety-nine percent of mine
-At the start of each term Dr. Jarvis addresses the boys as would a father, a pastor, or a mentor, and while he loves them, he is not their pal: he is the Head, and the boys seem to like it that way.
-Roxbury Latin has chosen to remain small, while at the same time its resources have been so wisely husbanded for so long that it is able to provide the very best education to all who meet its requirements, without regard to ability to pay.
-What we must look for here is first, religious and moral principles; secondly, gentlemanly conduct; and thirdly, intellectual ability. Dr. Thomas Arnold.
-It is not what the story says but what the story means.
-Times of maximum danger provide maximum opportunity.
-Happiness in life is not the absence of pressure and stress. Happiness in life is finding a way to deal with the inevitable pressure and stress of life.
-Don't you get tired of working with teenage boys year after year? I never do, because no boy is like any other. You have to win kids one by one. You have to find the key to each individual boy, and that is utterly engrossing and endlessly intriguing. We have only two weapons we can bring to the battle of winning kids over: love and prayer.
-Those of us who believe that life has meaning and purpose, who believe that honesty, simplicity, respect, and concern for others are eternal and life, enhancing values, cannot in good conscience remain silent.
-Education outside the moral context was dangerous.
-There has never been a more important time than now for headmasters and teachers to speak up about the meaning of life and about values to live by. That is what I have tried to do.
-Teenagers love biography, they are fascinated by the concrete reality of life experiences.
-Why am I doing this? Why have I chosen this life? Why am I working so hard?
-At the start of each term Dr. Jarvis addresses the boys as would a father, a pastor, or a mentor, and while he loves them, he is not their pal: he is the Head, and the boys seem to like it that way.
-Roxbury Latin has chosen to remain small, while at the same time its resources have been so wisely husbanded for so long that it is able to provide the very best education to all who meet its requirements, without regard to ability to pay.
-What we must look for here is first, religious and moral principles; secondly, gentlemanly conduct; and thirdly, intellectual ability. Dr. Thomas Arnold.
-It is not what the story says but what the story means.
-Times of maximum danger provide maximum opportunity.
-Happiness in life is not the absence of pressure and stress. Happiness in life is finding a way to deal with the inevitable pressure and stress of life.
-Don't you get tired of working with teenage boys year after year? I never do, because no boy is like any other. You have to win kids one by one. You have to find the key to each individual boy, and that is utterly engrossing and endlessly intriguing. We have only two weapons we can bring to the battle of winning kids over: love and prayer.
-Those of us who believe that life has meaning and purpose, who believe that honesty, simplicity, respect, and concern for others are eternal and life, enhancing values, cannot in good conscience remain silent.
-Education outside the moral context was dangerous.
-There has never been a more important time than now for headmasters and teachers to speak up about the meaning of life and about values to live by. That is what I have tried to do.
-Teenagers love biography, they are fascinated by the concrete reality of life experiences.
-Why am I doing this? Why have I chosen this life? Why am I working so hard?
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes XV
-The husband puts his wife first; the wife puts her husband first.
-Parents are neither weak nor harsh but rather affectionately assertive.
-Parents do not allow rivals on the home to undermine their authority or undo their lessons of right and wrong.
-They give their children a sense of family history and continuity.
-Count on inviting three times as many people as you hope will show up.
-Parents understand that they must lead their children to see the invisible.
-Mom and Dad want their children to be active, and they know that all active people make mistakes.
-Parents are neither weak nor harsh but rather affectionately assertive.
-Parents do not allow rivals on the home to undermine their authority or undo their lessons of right and wrong.
-They give their children a sense of family history and continuity.
-Count on inviting three times as many people as you hope will show up.
-Parents understand that they must lead their children to see the invisible.
-Mom and Dad want their children to be active, and they know that all active people make mistakes.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes XIV
-The way a man treats his siblings is the same way he will treat his wife.
-You can tell a lot about people's quality by:
1. The kind of friends they choose.
2. The heroes they admire.
3. The vigor and joy that they put into their work.
4. How they treat their parents and siblings.
-Everybody is a package deal, a mixture of good qualities and personal shortcomings.
-The whole world is divided into two types of people. On on side are the vast majority: normal, decent people who seek goodness, truth, and beauty in life. On the other side are the minority: those who single-mindedly chase after power above all else.
-Our moral principles are our compass in life, and they simplify life's choices. To people without principles, life is always complicated.
-Fear in the face of adversity is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it's a sign of intelligence, for only fools are never afraid. Courage consists of doing our duty in spite of our fears.
-Money is just an instrument for the welfare of our loved ones and those in need. And that's all it is.
-Real friendship is based on mutual respect.
-When you are thinking seriously of marrying someone, pay close attention to how that person treats his or her own family.
-People's greatest need is to feel appreciated.
-Confident , considerate people are never afraid to apologize.
-Good manners are the way we show respect for other people's rights and dignity. Since courtesy shows good judgment and self-control, it wins people's respect.
-Don't interrupt people.
-When you converse with anyone, make eye contact.
-Be always punctual.
-When you are invited to someone's home, try to arrive on the dot, no more than five minutes late.
-When you want to praise someone, make it sincere and brief. If you overdo praise, it sounds phony.
-The best predictor of future success is past success.
-There's not tyranny worse than an inability to control oneself.
-The real happiness comes from doing good, not feeling good.
-Make your children wait for something they want.
-Show them who to recognize materialism when they see it, and shun it.
-Teach them courtesy and class.
-Explain but don't argue.
-Teach them indifference to be different.
-Keep your priorities straight.
-Your children may forget most of the details of what you teach them, but they will remember what was important to you.
-You can tell a lot about people's quality by:
1. The kind of friends they choose.
2. The heroes they admire.
3. The vigor and joy that they put into their work.
4. How they treat their parents and siblings.
-Everybody is a package deal, a mixture of good qualities and personal shortcomings.
-The whole world is divided into two types of people. On on side are the vast majority: normal, decent people who seek goodness, truth, and beauty in life. On the other side are the minority: those who single-mindedly chase after power above all else.
-Our moral principles are our compass in life, and they simplify life's choices. To people without principles, life is always complicated.
-Fear in the face of adversity is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it's a sign of intelligence, for only fools are never afraid. Courage consists of doing our duty in spite of our fears.
-Money is just an instrument for the welfare of our loved ones and those in need. And that's all it is.
-Real friendship is based on mutual respect.
-When you are thinking seriously of marrying someone, pay close attention to how that person treats his or her own family.
-People's greatest need is to feel appreciated.
-Confident , considerate people are never afraid to apologize.
-Good manners are the way we show respect for other people's rights and dignity. Since courtesy shows good judgment and self-control, it wins people's respect.
-Don't interrupt people.
-When you converse with anyone, make eye contact.
-Be always punctual.
-When you are invited to someone's home, try to arrive on the dot, no more than five minutes late.
-When you want to praise someone, make it sincere and brief. If you overdo praise, it sounds phony.
-The best predictor of future success is past success.
-There's not tyranny worse than an inability to control oneself.
-The real happiness comes from doing good, not feeling good.
-Make your children wait for something they want.
-Show them who to recognize materialism when they see it, and shun it.
-Teach them courtesy and class.
-Explain but don't argue.
-Teach them indifference to be different.
-Keep your priorities straight.
-Your children may forget most of the details of what you teach them, but they will remember what was important to you.
Tuesday, March 19, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes XIII
-Effective parent leaders team up to control the family's access to the tube.
-We will watch programs and play games that bring us together as a family.
-Don't let uncertainty lead to inaction.
-Think of time spent with the tube as time away from the family.
-It's unnatural and positively unhealthy for kids to sit still for hours.
-Have only one television in the house.
-All in all, it's not a bad thing for your children to get used to living a little bit different from the crowd, especially in moral matters.
-If young people get in good shape by the time they are sixteen, they will probably stay that way till their mid-forties or later.
-A great husband and wife share one mind and will concerning their children's upbringing.
-Confident kids resist drugs, peer-group pressures.
-How can parents work at strengthening a mutual support?
1. Set some time apart each week to talk about each of your children.
2. Determine that you will never ever oppose or demean each other in front of your children, especially when one of you is correcting a child.
3. Don't ever carry on a heated quarrel in front of your children.
-It is healthy for children to see that sometimes even loving parents will argue but then swiftly reconcile. Everyone has faults and anyone can have a bad day. Spotty flashes of anger flare up in nearly all marriages, but apologies swiftly cover these over. I am sorry... please forgive me... is one fo the strongest bonds of marriage.
-If you sense that a disagreement is getting out of hand, signal with each other. Whatever it takes, do anything rather than scare the kids.
-When your children ask your permission in a fairly important matter, put off your decision until you have checked with you spouse. And your spouse follows the same deferred decision policy with respect to you.
-No matter what you do, realize that each of you may have to swallow your pride a bit for the sake of presenting a united front to your children.
-Kids don't just need to be taught right from wrong; they need specific, concrete words and terms to fasten these concepts into their judgment and keep them there: honor, integrity, ethics, self-respect, etc.
-Judgment means the ability to make significant distinctions in life:
-We will watch programs and play games that bring us together as a family.
-Don't let uncertainty lead to inaction.
-Think of time spent with the tube as time away from the family.
-It's unnatural and positively unhealthy for kids to sit still for hours.
-Have only one television in the house.
-All in all, it's not a bad thing for your children to get used to living a little bit different from the crowd, especially in moral matters.
-If young people get in good shape by the time they are sixteen, they will probably stay that way till their mid-forties or later.
-A great husband and wife share one mind and will concerning their children's upbringing.
-Confident kids resist drugs, peer-group pressures.
-How can parents work at strengthening a mutual support?
1. Set some time apart each week to talk about each of your children.
2. Determine that you will never ever oppose or demean each other in front of your children, especially when one of you is correcting a child.
3. Don't ever carry on a heated quarrel in front of your children.
-It is healthy for children to see that sometimes even loving parents will argue but then swiftly reconcile. Everyone has faults and anyone can have a bad day. Spotty flashes of anger flare up in nearly all marriages, but apologies swiftly cover these over. I am sorry... please forgive me... is one fo the strongest bonds of marriage.
-If you sense that a disagreement is getting out of hand, signal with each other. Whatever it takes, do anything rather than scare the kids.
-When your children ask your permission in a fairly important matter, put off your decision until you have checked with you spouse. And your spouse follows the same deferred decision policy with respect to you.
-No matter what you do, realize that each of you may have to swallow your pride a bit for the sake of presenting a united front to your children.
-Kids don't just need to be taught right from wrong; they need specific, concrete words and terms to fasten these concepts into their judgment and keep them there: honor, integrity, ethics, self-respect, etc.
-Judgment means the ability to make significant distinctions in life:
- Needs from wants.
- Heroes from celebrities.
- Love from eroticism.
- Courage from cowardice.
- Objective from subjective.
-Active people make mistakes.
-Put worthwhile books into your children's hands, read aloud to them.
-Encourage children to form opinions, but to base these on facts.
-Integrity means unity of intention, word, and action.
-People respect for your world, your integrity depends hugely on your commitment to keep your commitments.
-You teach integrity in the areas of accepting invitations and keeping appointments.
-The last place where well-brought up kids behave rightly is at home.
-When the kids see that Mom considers Dad the Number One person in the family, and Dad treats Mom as Number One, then most other family lessons fall into place.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes XII
-Children do have rights:
1. Right to privacy up to a point.
2. Right to presumption of innocence.
3. Right not to be publicly embarrassed.
4. Right to just punishment.
5. Right to a second chance.
-Never, ever, undercut you spouse if it was he or she who witnessed things. If you think your spouse is mistaken or over reactive, then discuss matters privately.
-The family is one place in the world where we can always count on a fresh start.
-When you apologize, you teach them a valuable lesson: that you put justice ahead of your ego.
-What you are really teaching your children is ethical conduct among responsible adults. You are treating your children as young adults in the making, and you begin by respecting them as people.
-Don't neglect your wife. Wake up. Pay attention. Listen to her carefully.
-Don't undercut your husband. Do all you can to lead your children to respect their father and his authority.
-Don't underestimate your children. Have high ambitions for their swift growth into maturity.
-Don't treat teenagers like large children. Tell them that you distinguish between integrity and judgment.
-Don't ever tell your teens that the high-school years are the best part of their lives.
-Don't let your kids weasel out of commitments.
-Don't ask children if they would like to do something that you expect them to do anyway.
-When you are correcting your kids and they ask why, don't argue with them. If they are looking for an explanation, give it once only. If they persist with why? then they are looking for an argument, not an explanation.
-Don't let your kids dress in such a way as to bring shame to the family.
-Don't miss small opportunities to talk with your children.
-Don't shout at your kids all the time.
-Don't get trapped into prolonged blazing arguments. On those rare occasions where the kids do something truly outrageous, they should experience outrage. Otherwise they won't know what's outrageous.
-Don't forget to praise your children, and be specific about it.
-Come down to your children's level, but don't stay there.
-Don't worry so much about trivia.
-Confidence in their parent's control forms the basis for their own growth in self-confidence.
-In those families where parents win out as boss, by the time kids are five, they years of adolescence are relatively untroubled.
-The why of correction is more important than the how.
1. Right to privacy up to a point.
2. Right to presumption of innocence.
3. Right not to be publicly embarrassed.
4. Right to just punishment.
5. Right to a second chance.
-Never, ever, undercut you spouse if it was he or she who witnessed things. If you think your spouse is mistaken or over reactive, then discuss matters privately.
-The family is one place in the world where we can always count on a fresh start.
-When you apologize, you teach them a valuable lesson: that you put justice ahead of your ego.
-What you are really teaching your children is ethical conduct among responsible adults. You are treating your children as young adults in the making, and you begin by respecting them as people.
-Don't neglect your wife. Wake up. Pay attention. Listen to her carefully.
-Don't undercut your husband. Do all you can to lead your children to respect their father and his authority.
-Don't underestimate your children. Have high ambitions for their swift growth into maturity.
-Don't treat teenagers like large children. Tell them that you distinguish between integrity and judgment.
-Don't ever tell your teens that the high-school years are the best part of their lives.
-Don't let your kids weasel out of commitments.
-Don't ask children if they would like to do something that you expect them to do anyway.
-When you are correcting your kids and they ask why, don't argue with them. If they are looking for an explanation, give it once only. If they persist with why? then they are looking for an argument, not an explanation.
-Don't let your kids dress in such a way as to bring shame to the family.
-Don't miss small opportunities to talk with your children.
-Don't shout at your kids all the time.
-Don't get trapped into prolonged blazing arguments. On those rare occasions where the kids do something truly outrageous, they should experience outrage. Otherwise they won't know what's outrageous.
-Don't forget to praise your children, and be specific about it.
-Come down to your children's level, but don't stay there.
-Don't worry so much about trivia.
-Confidence in their parent's control forms the basis for their own growth in self-confidence.
-In those families where parents win out as boss, by the time kids are five, they years of adolescence are relatively untroubled.
-The why of correction is more important than the how.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes XI
-Discipline really means confident, effective parental leadership.
-Discipline in family life means leading the children to acquire the great virtues of sound judgment, a sense of responsibility, personal courage, self-control, and magnanimity.
-Effective parents practice what we might call affectionate assertiveness. They set out to correct the fault, not the person. They are willing to risk being unpopular.
-How do you show affectionate love to your children?
You physically touch them. You take them by the hand while walking together. When walking by them, you pat them on the head or ruffle their hair a bit.
-You should listen to your children with your eyes. In your eyes they can read your soul, your love for them, your pride in them, your hopes for their future.
-What can you do to punish misbehavior in fairly serious matters?
Time outs
Removing privileges
Putting them to work.
-Many healthy families hold to this policy: each child's bedroom is a place for study, reading, chatting, and playing with siblings, and sleep.
-Leisure is really enjoyable only when we have earned it.
-You can be tough with normal children and quite effective with them if, and only if, they perceive that you are trying to be fair.
-Establish three levels of misbehavior:
1. Misdemeanors.
2. Serious infractions.
3. Felony infractions.
-Discipline in family life means leading the children to acquire the great virtues of sound judgment, a sense of responsibility, personal courage, self-control, and magnanimity.
-Effective parents practice what we might call affectionate assertiveness. They set out to correct the fault, not the person. They are willing to risk being unpopular.
-How do you show affectionate love to your children?
You physically touch them. You take them by the hand while walking together. When walking by them, you pat them on the head or ruffle their hair a bit.
-You should listen to your children with your eyes. In your eyes they can read your soul, your love for them, your pride in them, your hopes for their future.
-What can you do to punish misbehavior in fairly serious matters?
Time outs
Removing privileges
Putting them to work.
-Many healthy families hold to this policy: each child's bedroom is a place for study, reading, chatting, and playing with siblings, and sleep.
-Leisure is really enjoyable only when we have earned it.
-You can be tough with normal children and quite effective with them if, and only if, they perceive that you are trying to be fair.
-Establish three levels of misbehavior:
1. Misdemeanors.
- Tracking mud in the house.
- Noisy rough-housing.
- Forgetting to do chores.
- Failing to put things away, etc.
Low level response, and sometimes just letting the matter go.
2. Serious infractions.
- Name-calling.
- Taking property without permission.
- Physical aggression.
- Profanity, etc.
You must correct these serious lapses of justice.
3. Felony infractions.
- Showing disrespect for you personally.
- Attempt to defy your authority.
- Deliberately lie to you.
Punishment should be swift and memorable.
Everything you have to teach your children depends on their respect for you and for your authority and for their own word of honor. If you lose this, you lose them.
Monday, March 18, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes X
-Family loyalty saves many teens and young adults from disaster. How does this loyalty come about? Through the power of WE.
-Active family rules cement the kids' rock-hard foundation in place and form the framework for their growth in character.
-Why does a healthy family have rules? For one simple reason: because it has a job to do, a service mission to carry out.
-Every serious enterprise has three basic elements:
1. A mission.
2. A responsible chain of command.
3. A set of performance standards.
-All the rules directly or implicitly, began with the word WE.
-The parents lived by the rules themselves, the same ones they imposed on their children. They practiced what they preached and led the way by their personal example.
-As the day goes, so goes one's life.
-All the rules seemed to fall into five distinct categories:
1. WE respect the rights and sensibilities of others.
2. WE all contribute to making our home a clean, orderly, civilized place to live.
3. WE give people information they need to carry out their responsibilities.
4. WE use electronic media only to promote family welfare, never to work against it.
5. We love and honor our Creator above all things; we thank Him for His blessings and ask His help for our needs and those of others.
-Active family rules cement the kids' rock-hard foundation in place and form the framework for their growth in character.
-Why does a healthy family have rules? For one simple reason: because it has a job to do, a service mission to carry out.
-Every serious enterprise has three basic elements:
1. A mission.
2. A responsible chain of command.
3. A set of performance standards.
-All the rules directly or implicitly, began with the word WE.
-The parents lived by the rules themselves, the same ones they imposed on their children. They practiced what they preached and led the way by their personal example.
-As the day goes, so goes one's life.
-All the rules seemed to fall into five distinct categories:
1. WE respect the rights and sensibilities of others.
- We say: thank you, please, excuse me, I am sorry, I give my word of honor.
- We don't gossip.
- We keep our family's affairs within the family.
2. WE all contribute to making our home a clean, orderly, civilized place to live.
- We do not make promises unless we commit ourselves to carry them out.
- We show special respect to older people.
- We celebrate each other's accomplishments.
3. WE give people information they need to carry out their responsibilities.
- If we are going to be late, we call.
4. WE use electronic media only to promote family welfare, never to work against it.
- We permit nothing in our home that offends our moral principles.
5. We love and honor our Creator above all things; we thank Him for His blessings and ask His help for our needs and those of others.
- We serve the Lord by serving others.
-A great family never attains perfection, but it will never stop trying. To keep trying, no matter what, is the essence of greatness.
-Reaching an ideal is nearly impossible, but to try is always possible.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes IX
-All leaders understand, and shun, the lamentable consequences of neglect.
-Leaders act. Real leaders never let indecision lead to inaction. When confronted with several tough choices of what to do, they do not shrink back.
-Neglect, to do nothing, is the worst mistake of all.
-Leaders are confident of their authority, which is as weighty as their responsibility.
-Authority means the right to make decisions and then impose them in order to carry out some responsibility.
-Rightful authority is both benevolent and beneficial. Leaders in any enterprise serve their people, often at great sacrifice, by constructing order out of chaos and by channeling people's best efforts toward some worthy goal. This is why service-oriented leaders are esteemed by their people, often with deep respect and even devotion.
-Authority means, among other things, the right to be obeyed.
-Leaders have joiners, not followers.
-To lead effectively means to get out in front and pull.
-All great leaders get out in front and strive forward some noble goal, and they motivate others to join them. They inspire others to reach that ideal with them, all together in a spirit of adventurous teamwork. In other words, leaders rely on the power of we. They make no demands of others that they fail to make of themselves. They lead mostly by example.
-Leaders have both the strategic vision and the tenacity to focus on the job at hand.
-The strategic thinking of effective parent leaders seems to go like this:
1. A parent, like a farmer, does the very best he or she knows how, and then leaves the rest in the hands of God.
2. Loving, self-sacrificing parents, do not fall into extremes.
3. Their number one job is to build inner strengths in their children.
4. They teach their children that responsible grown-up life is not self-centered play, but mostly service to others.
5. All respect in life, at any age, arises from some perception of strength.
6. The more highly kids admire Dad and Mom, the more deeply will they adopt their parents' attitudes, values, and character.
7. Kids do not come into the world with strong character.
8. Every decade of life passes twice as fast as the one before.
-What circumstances lead some people to be confident?
1. Surrounded by love.
2. Lifelong habit of attacking and solving problems, mostly with success.
3. Habit of turning concerns into corrective action.
4. The undertake a mission so important that brings out the best in them.
5. They know that someplace on this earth they have loved ones who are absolutely crazy about them.
-Definitions of a leader:
1. A leader is a dealer in hope.
2. A leader has the ability to asses priorities and know which problems to ignore.
3. A leader must things happen.
4. A leader is one who can get people to do what they don't want to do.
5. A leader establishes a personal identity with his cause.
6. A leader has profound respect and sympathy for those he leads.
7. A leaders knows when to listen, when to explain, and when to act.
8. A leader is willing to stand alone.
9. A leader has to have a great heart, a clear mind, and a thick skin.
-Leaders act. Real leaders never let indecision lead to inaction. When confronted with several tough choices of what to do, they do not shrink back.
-Neglect, to do nothing, is the worst mistake of all.
-Leaders are confident of their authority, which is as weighty as their responsibility.
-Authority means the right to make decisions and then impose them in order to carry out some responsibility.
-Rightful authority is both benevolent and beneficial. Leaders in any enterprise serve their people, often at great sacrifice, by constructing order out of chaos and by channeling people's best efforts toward some worthy goal. This is why service-oriented leaders are esteemed by their people, often with deep respect and even devotion.
-Authority means, among other things, the right to be obeyed.
-Leaders have joiners, not followers.
-To lead effectively means to get out in front and pull.
-All great leaders get out in front and strive forward some noble goal, and they motivate others to join them. They inspire others to reach that ideal with them, all together in a spirit of adventurous teamwork. In other words, leaders rely on the power of we. They make no demands of others that they fail to make of themselves. They lead mostly by example.
-Leaders have both the strategic vision and the tenacity to focus on the job at hand.
-The strategic thinking of effective parent leaders seems to go like this:
1. A parent, like a farmer, does the very best he or she knows how, and then leaves the rest in the hands of God.
2. Loving, self-sacrificing parents, do not fall into extremes.
3. Their number one job is to build inner strengths in their children.
4. They teach their children that responsible grown-up life is not self-centered play, but mostly service to others.
5. All respect in life, at any age, arises from some perception of strength.
6. The more highly kids admire Dad and Mom, the more deeply will they adopt their parents' attitudes, values, and character.
7. Kids do not come into the world with strong character.
8. Every decade of life passes twice as fast as the one before.
-What circumstances lead some people to be confident?
1. Surrounded by love.
2. Lifelong habit of attacking and solving problems, mostly with success.
3. Habit of turning concerns into corrective action.
4. The undertake a mission so important that brings out the best in them.
5. They know that someplace on this earth they have loved ones who are absolutely crazy about them.
-Definitions of a leader:
1. A leader is a dealer in hope.
2. A leader has the ability to asses priorities and know which problems to ignore.
3. A leader must things happen.
4. A leader is one who can get people to do what they don't want to do.
5. A leader establishes a personal identity with his cause.
6. A leader has profound respect and sympathy for those he leads.
7. A leaders knows when to listen, when to explain, and when to act.
8. A leader is willing to stand alone.
9. A leader has to have a great heart, a clear mind, and a thick skin.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes VIII
-The healthy family, the sporting adventure family, sees their children as adults in the making.
-Family rules are set in place not to control the children but rather to direct them. The rules have a purpose: to strengthen the kids' conscience and character through example and directed practice in responsible living.
-Parent either pay now, or they pay later.
-Responsible parents act as leaders in the family.
-Leaders are moved by a long-term vision, and so they win people's respect. Our most respected leaders are those who look farthest toward the future and foresee oncoming perils and opportunities.
-The farther and clearer the vision, the greater the respect.
-Parent leaders set high ideals for their children's later lives. They think of their children's future along these lines:
1. Children will have excellent judgment, especially in the choice of a spouse.
2. They will center their lives in a stable, happy marriage.
3. They will succeed in their careers, doing work they enjoy.
4. They will support their families comfortably but not luxuriously.
5. They will be generous to friends and those in need.
6. They will never live as quitters.
7. They will be nobody's fool or pushover.
8. When they've done wrong, they'll face the truth and apologize.
9. They will be esteemed for their honesty, integrity, hard work, generosity, religious commitment, and confident good humor.
10. They will remain close to family.
11. They will live by their parents' principles.
12. Their whole lives will be moved by love.
-Family rules are set in place not to control the children but rather to direct them. The rules have a purpose: to strengthen the kids' conscience and character through example and directed practice in responsible living.
-Parent either pay now, or they pay later.
-Responsible parents act as leaders in the family.
-Leaders are moved by a long-term vision, and so they win people's respect. Our most respected leaders are those who look farthest toward the future and foresee oncoming perils and opportunities.
-The farther and clearer the vision, the greater the respect.
-Parent leaders set high ideals for their children's later lives. They think of their children's future along these lines:
1. Children will have excellent judgment, especially in the choice of a spouse.
2. They will center their lives in a stable, happy marriage.
3. They will succeed in their careers, doing work they enjoy.
4. They will support their families comfortably but not luxuriously.
5. They will be generous to friends and those in need.
6. They will never live as quitters.
7. They will be nobody's fool or pushover.
8. When they've done wrong, they'll face the truth and apologize.
9. They will be esteemed for their honesty, integrity, hard work, generosity, religious commitment, and confident good humor.
10. They will remain close to family.
11. They will live by their parents' principles.
12. Their whole lives will be moved by love.
Saturday, March 16, 2019
Thursday, March 14, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes VII
-Negative lessons are valuable.
-Clearly, something is wrong in today's society. We look around in our workplaces and neighborhoods and see young people who are immature and irresolute, soft and irresponsible, uneasy about themselves and their futures.
-What is striking today is the huge percentage of seriously troubled youths from normal families. Some sort of subtle dysfunction is corroding large numbers of typical, middle-class homes.
-The suicide rate among young people in the United States is directly proportional to family income.
-Normal American families seem to fall into to broad categories:
1. Self-absorbed consumerist family.
2. Other-centered sporting adventure family.
-Consumerist parents are unconcerned with growth in virtue, whether for themselves or their children whom are steadily apprenticed through childhood as consumers, not producers.
-The life of grown-up work is solely for piling up spending money. We work in order to spend, we produce in order to consume.
-Staring in their middle-school years, very many self-absorbed kids grow bored with juvenile amusements and avidly turn to novel kinds of powerfully pleasurable sensations: alcohol, drugs, the erotic and increasingly violent rock culture, vandalism, reckless driving, recreational sex. Because their life has centered on things, they are disposed to put things ahead of people, to treat people as objects.
-In consumerist families, both parents give in readily to children's wishes and feelings, even when they judge that this might be a mistake. So the children fail to distinguish between wants and needs. To the children, wants are needs. As a result, feelings not conscience become a guide for action.
-In the consumerist family, children have a low tolerance for discomfort or even inconvenience. Their outlook on life remains unchanged from infancy: me first. These children complain and whine about situations that can't be helped: bad weather, reasonable delays, physical discomfort, moderately heavy workloads, personality differences and the like.
-Materialism really means seeing and treating other people as things.
-Respect for people nearly always derives from some perception of strength.
-Many well-off middle class, even wealthy, families are not materialistic.
-Clearly, something is wrong in today's society. We look around in our workplaces and neighborhoods and see young people who are immature and irresolute, soft and irresponsible, uneasy about themselves and their futures.
-What is striking today is the huge percentage of seriously troubled youths from normal families. Some sort of subtle dysfunction is corroding large numbers of typical, middle-class homes.
-The suicide rate among young people in the United States is directly proportional to family income.
-Normal American families seem to fall into to broad categories:
1. Self-absorbed consumerist family.
2. Other-centered sporting adventure family.
-Consumerist parents are unconcerned with growth in virtue, whether for themselves or their children whom are steadily apprenticed through childhood as consumers, not producers.
-The life of grown-up work is solely for piling up spending money. We work in order to spend, we produce in order to consume.
-Staring in their middle-school years, very many self-absorbed kids grow bored with juvenile amusements and avidly turn to novel kinds of powerfully pleasurable sensations: alcohol, drugs, the erotic and increasingly violent rock culture, vandalism, reckless driving, recreational sex. Because their life has centered on things, they are disposed to put things ahead of people, to treat people as objects.
-In consumerist families, both parents give in readily to children's wishes and feelings, even when they judge that this might be a mistake. So the children fail to distinguish between wants and needs. To the children, wants are needs. As a result, feelings not conscience become a guide for action.
-In the consumerist family, children have a low tolerance for discomfort or even inconvenience. Their outlook on life remains unchanged from infancy: me first. These children complain and whine about situations that can't be helped: bad weather, reasonable delays, physical discomfort, moderately heavy workloads, personality differences and the like.
-Materialism really means seeing and treating other people as things.
-Respect for people nearly always derives from some perception of strength.
-Many well-off middle class, even wealthy, families are not materialistic.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes VI
-Temperance is power to say no, at will, to our laziness, passions, and appetites. It is the power, built through practice, to wait for rewards and to earn them.
-Self-controlled people do not turn wants into needs, and they know the difference.
-Temperance means sensible enjoyment. They enjoyment comes from other people, not just things. To the extent that they take pleasure in food, drink, entertainment, and work, it's because of the company, family and friends, with whom they share these things. They are affable, fun to be with, enjoyable to work with. Their greatest delight is to delight their friends.
-Temperance means mastery of one's speech and actions. Temperance people have class.
-The greatness of heart is the all-important spiritual power that gives force to all the other virtues. The ancient Romans called it magnanimity, greatness of soul.
-Heart is the capacity and desire to surpass ourselves, to endure or overcome anything for the sake of somebody else's welfare or happiness. It's generosity, the drive to give others the best of what we have for their sake, and expect little or nothing in return.
-Where does someone put his heart? What does he love most in life? What would he be willing to suffer for, even die for? Answer these questions and you put your finger on that person's values.
-To speak of people's values, is to speak of their priorities in life: what comes first to them, then, what comes second, third, and on down the line. Where, in what order, do people put their passions? What do they love most?
-People differ in their values because they differ in what they love most and least.
-We can tell people's values by which of these loves they hold closest, and which they belittle or ignore.
-Some parents give their hearts to God, family, friends, truth, and service-directed work. Everybody who knows these parents, including their children, considers them great people. Other parents, unfortunately, put power, career, and comfort ahead of anything else, and their families suffer, both now and later.
-In adolescence, teens are strongly tempted to put conformity and pleasure ahead of their family. But if mom and dad won their hearts in childhood, that is, if teenagers' love for family comes first, they can shunt these allurements aside. They love their parents deeply, and so will never betray them.
-Do your children know your priorities, the loves you hold above all others? Tell them. Urge them to follow you, to embrace your values as their own and live by them. And warn them about one of life's greatest disasters: to marry someone with mismatched priorities, whose values conflict with their own.
-A great person is one who never loses the heart he had as a child.
-What are the great loves of childhood?
1. Love for God.
2. Love for family.
3. Love for life, friends, laughter.
4. Love for those in need.
5. Love for the truth.
-Great people are those who possess within their souls the powers of adults and the hearts of children.
-Your job as a parent, your mission in life, is to raise your children to this ideal: to form generosity and character so deeply within them as to direct the course of their lives to greatness.
-The happiest people we meet in life are those who somehow enjoy what they have to do anyway, that is their duties.
-Tell someone he's brave, and you make him brave. Courage does not mean fearlessness. Means doing what is right despite our fears. Courageous people do not lose their fears, they just overcome them.
-We can change people's character but not their temperament.
-People who are most successful in business and professional life seem to have two personal traits:
1. The know how to concentrate and work hard at will, even when they don't feel like it.
2. They have excellent social skills: they are courteous, gracious, ethical, consistently good listeners, and explainers.
-Self-controlled people do not turn wants into needs, and they know the difference.
-Temperance means sensible enjoyment. They enjoyment comes from other people, not just things. To the extent that they take pleasure in food, drink, entertainment, and work, it's because of the company, family and friends, with whom they share these things. They are affable, fun to be with, enjoyable to work with. Their greatest delight is to delight their friends.
-Temperance means mastery of one's speech and actions. Temperance people have class.
-The greatness of heart is the all-important spiritual power that gives force to all the other virtues. The ancient Romans called it magnanimity, greatness of soul.
-Heart is the capacity and desire to surpass ourselves, to endure or overcome anything for the sake of somebody else's welfare or happiness. It's generosity, the drive to give others the best of what we have for their sake, and expect little or nothing in return.
-Where does someone put his heart? What does he love most in life? What would he be willing to suffer for, even die for? Answer these questions and you put your finger on that person's values.
-To speak of people's values, is to speak of their priorities in life: what comes first to them, then, what comes second, third, and on down the line. Where, in what order, do people put their passions? What do they love most?
-People differ in their values because they differ in what they love most and least.
-We can tell people's values by which of these loves they hold closest, and which they belittle or ignore.
-Some parents give their hearts to God, family, friends, truth, and service-directed work. Everybody who knows these parents, including their children, considers them great people. Other parents, unfortunately, put power, career, and comfort ahead of anything else, and their families suffer, both now and later.
-In adolescence, teens are strongly tempted to put conformity and pleasure ahead of their family. But if mom and dad won their hearts in childhood, that is, if teenagers' love for family comes first, they can shunt these allurements aside. They love their parents deeply, and so will never betray them.
-Do your children know your priorities, the loves you hold above all others? Tell them. Urge them to follow you, to embrace your values as their own and live by them. And warn them about one of life's greatest disasters: to marry someone with mismatched priorities, whose values conflict with their own.
-A great person is one who never loses the heart he had as a child.
-What are the great loves of childhood?
1. Love for God.
2. Love for family.
3. Love for life, friends, laughter.
4. Love for those in need.
5. Love for the truth.
-Great people are those who possess within their souls the powers of adults and the hearts of children.
-Your job as a parent, your mission in life, is to raise your children to this ideal: to form generosity and character so deeply within them as to direct the course of their lives to greatness.
-The happiest people we meet in life are those who somehow enjoy what they have to do anyway, that is their duties.
-Tell someone he's brave, and you make him brave. Courage does not mean fearlessness. Means doing what is right despite our fears. Courageous people do not lose their fears, they just overcome them.
-We can change people's character but not their temperament.
-People who are most successful in business and professional life seem to have two personal traits:
1. The know how to concentrate and work hard at will, even when they don't feel like it.
2. They have excellent social skills: they are courteous, gracious, ethical, consistently good listeners, and explainers.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes V
-If you why is strong enough and clear enough, you can figure out most of the how for yourself.
-Sound judgment is the power of discernment.
-We have good judgment when we have the power to weigh people's motivations, values and priorities in life.
-Someone who is both shrewd and good-willed has the essence of wisdom.
-Sound judgement is the ability to foresee the probable consequences, both good and bad, of a projected course of action.
-The Greeks called responsibility justice, or giving others what is due to them.
-Responsibility means so as to respect the rights of others, included their right not to be offended.
-Responsibility is a habit of doing our duties whether we feel like it or not.
-Fortitude is also known by other words: courage, perseverance, toughness, guts.
-Fortitude is the acquired ability either to overcome or to endure difficulties: pain, discomfort, disappointment, setbacks, worry, tedium, looking different.
-Life brings hardships, and many of these and unavoidable, even insoluble.
-Most of the time, expectations hurts more than reality: that is, anticipated problems nearly always seem worse than they turn out to be once we tackle them.
-Fortitude is a confidence in our problem-solving abilities, built through a lifetime of practice in solving problems.
-There is such a thing as good stress: when we are under reasonable stress and adversity, we all do our best work.
-The power of fortitude is the exact opposite of getting in touch with our feelings, a woefully common outlook today in too many schools and families.
-In real life, self-centered feelings must give way to duty; if they do not, the young people have practically no capacity for sacrifice, which is the absolute essence of real love. Genuine love means ignoring our self-centered feelings for the sake of others.
-Sound judgment is the power of discernment.
-We have good judgment when we have the power to weigh people's motivations, values and priorities in life.
-Someone who is both shrewd and good-willed has the essence of wisdom.
-Sound judgement is the ability to foresee the probable consequences, both good and bad, of a projected course of action.
-The Greeks called responsibility justice, or giving others what is due to them.
-Responsibility means so as to respect the rights of others, included their right not to be offended.
-Responsibility is a habit of doing our duties whether we feel like it or not.
-Fortitude is also known by other words: courage, perseverance, toughness, guts.
-Fortitude is the acquired ability either to overcome or to endure difficulties: pain, discomfort, disappointment, setbacks, worry, tedium, looking different.
-Life brings hardships, and many of these and unavoidable, even insoluble.
-Most of the time, expectations hurts more than reality: that is, anticipated problems nearly always seem worse than they turn out to be once we tackle them.
-Fortitude is a confidence in our problem-solving abilities, built through a lifetime of practice in solving problems.
-There is such a thing as good stress: when we are under reasonable stress and adversity, we all do our best work.
-The power of fortitude is the exact opposite of getting in touch with our feelings, a woefully common outlook today in too many schools and families.
-In real life, self-centered feelings must give way to duty; if they do not, the young people have practically no capacity for sacrifice, which is the absolute essence of real love. Genuine love means ignoring our self-centered feelings for the sake of others.
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes IV
-As a parent you make sacrificial effort every day, for years, to turn your children's daily habits into lifelong virtues. You lead your children to become responsible, you teach them justice, fortitude, -courage is the memory of past successes-, you teach them healthy, realistic self-esteem from work well done, you teach them an all important lesson about life: comfort and convenience are only by-products of a successful life, not its purpose.
-We are here to serve others with our powers.
-As a parent you never give up until your children have acquired the powers to live rightly on their own.
-Verbal explanation works mostly to form children's judgment and conscience.
-You explain the importance of work well done and the disgrace of being a slacker or quitter.
-You rely on talk only to reinforce and explain action, to help the children grasp why you live the way you do, and why you press them the way you do.
-The two most troubled stages of children's lives: at ages two to five, and again at thirteen to seventeen.
-Practice builds habits, while explanations build judgment, conscience, attitudes, values.
-For most people, the voice of conscience is the voice of their parents, the memory of their parents' lessons about right and wrong.
-Above all you should listen to your children: their progress in judgment and conscience, their worries and self-doubts, their problems.
-Adolescents who deeply love and respect their parents remain virtually immune to perilous peer-pressures and untouched by the rock-sex-drug culture. Their parent's character is the measure by which they judge their peers.
-When you chat with your children, be sure you listen with your eyes. Children are extremely sensitive to what they see in their parent's eyes. Make eye-contact with them to show your undivided attention: that's how important they are to you. When they look into your eyes, let them see your heartfelt love for them, your hopes for their future, your pride in their growing character.
-We are here to serve others with our powers.
-As a parent you never give up until your children have acquired the powers to live rightly on their own.
-Verbal explanation works mostly to form children's judgment and conscience.
-You explain the importance of work well done and the disgrace of being a slacker or quitter.
-You rely on talk only to reinforce and explain action, to help the children grasp why you live the way you do, and why you press them the way you do.
-The two most troubled stages of children's lives: at ages two to five, and again at thirteen to seventeen.
-Practice builds habits, while explanations build judgment, conscience, attitudes, values.
-For most people, the voice of conscience is the voice of their parents, the memory of their parents' lessons about right and wrong.
-Above all you should listen to your children: their progress in judgment and conscience, their worries and self-doubts, their problems.
-Adolescents who deeply love and respect their parents remain virtually immune to perilous peer-pressures and untouched by the rock-sex-drug culture. Their parent's character is the measure by which they judge their peers.
-When you chat with your children, be sure you listen with your eyes. Children are extremely sensitive to what they see in their parent's eyes. Make eye-contact with them to show your undivided attention: that's how important they are to you. When they look into your eyes, let them see your heartfelt love for them, your hopes for their future, your pride in their growing character.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes III
-Your children see everything. They miss nothing. Their eager eyes, their lithe little bodies, constantly flit around, roving and scanning, noticing every details of their parents' lives. Children, it seems, are wired this way: to watch how adults, and most of all their parents, go about the business of living.
-Children perceive confident, adult-level strength in you, and this awareness leads them to respect you. Children must, above all, respect their parents, and (we cannot stress this enough) all respect derives from perception of strength.
-You are teaching more about the virtues, indeed about yourself, when you scarcely realize it. Your snatches of conversation, your reactions to events (good and bad), your assessments of people and your dealings with them, your earnest personal prayer, your exertion in work and play, your comments on the news, your humor, whatever angers or delights you, even the look in your eyes: all these details sink into your children's minds and hearts. In fact, what your children overhear at home is at least as important as what you say to them directly, often much more so.
-Parents cannot teach character effectively unless they first set example for their children.
-Virtue is a habit of living rightly. And all habits are built by repeated practice. You, as a parent, must lead your children to act, to learn by doing.
-Every single day, the children are forming permanent habits. The question for parents is: which ones?
-Children perceive confident, adult-level strength in you, and this awareness leads them to respect you. Children must, above all, respect their parents, and (we cannot stress this enough) all respect derives from perception of strength.
-You are teaching more about the virtues, indeed about yourself, when you scarcely realize it. Your snatches of conversation, your reactions to events (good and bad), your assessments of people and your dealings with them, your earnest personal prayer, your exertion in work and play, your comments on the news, your humor, whatever angers or delights you, even the look in your eyes: all these details sink into your children's minds and hearts. In fact, what your children overhear at home is at least as important as what you say to them directly, often much more so.
-Parents cannot teach character effectively unless they first set example for their children.
-Virtue is a habit of living rightly. And all habits are built by repeated practice. You, as a parent, must lead your children to act, to learn by doing.
-Every single day, the children are forming permanent habits. The question for parents is: which ones?
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes II
-A couple of ideas crucial to your job as a parent:
1. Children do not come into the world imbued with these virtues. They do not start out in life with sound judgment, responsibility, courageous perseverance, or self-mastery. These powers must be built from scratch as children grow up, formed as it were from the outside in, or else the children will grow up without them.
2. Your job as a parent is to make sure your children do not grow up this way: as thoughtless, self-centered, impulsive, irresponsible hedonists and manipulators. Your job is to teach your children habitual lifelong powers of sound judgment, responsibility, courageous perseverance, self-control, and heart. This is the core responsibility of parenthood.
-Your children will not grow up when the can take care of themselves. They will really and truly grow up only when they can take care of others, and want to.
-Characteristics of character: excellent judgment, wisdom, a refined sense of right and wrong, ethical uprightness, courage, thoughtful concern for others' needs and feelings, putting people ahead of things.
-Children seem to acquire character in three ways and in this order:
1. By example. What children witness, and then imitate, in the lives of their parents and other adults whom they respect (teachers, coaches)
2. By directed practice. What children are led to do, or are made to do repeatedly by parents and other respected adults.
3. By word. What children hear from parents and others as explanation of what they witness and are led to do.
1. Children do not come into the world imbued with these virtues. They do not start out in life with sound judgment, responsibility, courageous perseverance, or self-mastery. These powers must be built from scratch as children grow up, formed as it were from the outside in, or else the children will grow up without them.
2. Your job as a parent is to make sure your children do not grow up this way: as thoughtless, self-centered, impulsive, irresponsible hedonists and manipulators. Your job is to teach your children habitual lifelong powers of sound judgment, responsibility, courageous perseverance, self-control, and heart. This is the core responsibility of parenthood.
-Your children will not grow up when the can take care of themselves. They will really and truly grow up only when they can take care of others, and want to.
-Characteristics of character: excellent judgment, wisdom, a refined sense of right and wrong, ethical uprightness, courage, thoughtful concern for others' needs and feelings, putting people ahead of things.
-Children seem to acquire character in three ways and in this order:
1. By example. What children witness, and then imitate, in the lives of their parents and other adults whom they respect (teachers, coaches)
2. By directed practice. What children are led to do, or are made to do repeatedly by parents and other respected adults.
3. By word. What children hear from parents and others as explanation of what they witness and are led to do.
Compass, a handbook on parents leadership by James Stenson. Quotes
-Parents really win success with their children only in the long term. Parents succeed with their children when the kids grow up to become competent, responsible, considerate, and generous men and women who are committed to live by principles of integrity, adults who bring honor to their parents all their lives through their conduct, conscience, and character. Raising children like this is what parenthood is all about.
-When parent bring children into the world, they set out on the greatest, most satisfying adventure of all.
-Clear thought is necessary for any leadership.
-Knowing where you are going helps you know what you are doing, and this builds the courage you need to stick with your mission, no matter what.
-Parents must teach their children the invisible. Conscientious and savvy parents lead their children to know, and live by, those internal, invisible realities that form a great life: honor, integrity, self-mastery, courage, courtesy, dedicated service, sacrificial love, conscience, God, grace, the soul. Great men and women, it seems at moved mostly by what's invisible.
-Before we delve into details of how this is done, we must first stand back and look at the big picture, the why. So we begin by looking at character.
-Character is what each of us is, minus our money and possessions.
-Character is what people admire in us besides our talents and acquired skills.
-Character is what makes people proud and delighted to count us as friends, not just acquaintances. It is what makes friendships last a lifetime.
-Character is an integration of what the greatest minds of antiquity used to called virtues, those powers of mind and will and heart built up through repeated practice:
Prudence
Justice
Fortitude
Temperance
Character to them, is the sum total of these habitual powers joined together in one's personality.
-In more modern day, commonsensical terms:
Prudence: is sound judgment and conscience.
Justice: is a sense of responsibility and fair play.
Fortitude: is courage, persistence, guts.
Temperance: is self-mastery, self-discipline, self-control.
-To this four classical concepts of virtue, we add the other, the heart. This is generosity, magnanimity, charity, a capacity for compassionate understanding and forgiveness.
-When parent bring children into the world, they set out on the greatest, most satisfying adventure of all.
-Clear thought is necessary for any leadership.
-Knowing where you are going helps you know what you are doing, and this builds the courage you need to stick with your mission, no matter what.
-Parents must teach their children the invisible. Conscientious and savvy parents lead their children to know, and live by, those internal, invisible realities that form a great life: honor, integrity, self-mastery, courage, courtesy, dedicated service, sacrificial love, conscience, God, grace, the soul. Great men and women, it seems at moved mostly by what's invisible.
-Before we delve into details of how this is done, we must first stand back and look at the big picture, the why. So we begin by looking at character.
-Character is what each of us is, minus our money and possessions.
-Character is what people admire in us besides our talents and acquired skills.
-Character is what makes people proud and delighted to count us as friends, not just acquaintances. It is what makes friendships last a lifetime.
-Character is an integration of what the greatest minds of antiquity used to called virtues, those powers of mind and will and heart built up through repeated practice:
Prudence
Justice
Fortitude
Temperance
Character to them, is the sum total of these habitual powers joined together in one's personality.
-In more modern day, commonsensical terms:
Prudence: is sound judgment and conscience.
Justice: is a sense of responsibility and fair play.
Fortitude: is courage, persistence, guts.
Temperance: is self-mastery, self-discipline, self-control.
-To this four classical concepts of virtue, we add the other, the heart. This is generosity, magnanimity, charity, a capacity for compassionate understanding and forgiveness.
Saturday, March 9, 2019
Do as I Say not as I do by Peter Schweizer. Quotes II
-The Clintons appear to have repeatedly overstated their charitable contributions.
-The Clintons believe in using the tax code to transfer wealth from the rich to the poor; it's just that they don't have their own wealth in mind.
-In the Clintons' moral universe, their own motives and intentions are always pure. Their adversaries, on the other hand, are animated by selfishness and greed, a conservative disease to which they claim to be immune. Through all the contradictions in their lives, and despite their voluminous reflections on themselves, they seem utterly clueless about their own greed and avarice, all the while continuing to offer unsought advise about how other people can live up to their exalted moral standards.
-On a personal level, Nader may be the spartan moralist he claims to be, avoiding the lavish lifestyles of comrades in arms like Michael Moore. But in the end, he puts his faith in corporations and behaves like a traditional sweatshop boss. Co-ops and unions are great; but when you are trying to create a revolution, you are better off investing in corporations and working your employees to the bone.
-Far from acting in accordance with her professed principles, Pelosi in fact epitomizes the very attitudes and practices she claims to detest.
-Offshore businesses that avoid taxation are a Soros specialty.
-The Hollywood grapevine is filled with stories about how Barbra S. can be to those who work for her. "She was generous in terms of large amounts, he said, but absolutely mean and niggardly about the salaries of the working people she hired".
-While Steinem was writing those words, encouraging young woman to turn their backs on long-term relationships with men, she herself was engaged in a longtime relationship with television writer, producer and musician Blair Chotzinoff.
-Publicly Cornel West criticized middle class blacks for their greed and materialism. Privately, this socialist paragon revealed his true colors when he bought homes in two of Boston's best neighborhoods.
-The Clintons believe in using the tax code to transfer wealth from the rich to the poor; it's just that they don't have their own wealth in mind.
-In the Clintons' moral universe, their own motives and intentions are always pure. Their adversaries, on the other hand, are animated by selfishness and greed, a conservative disease to which they claim to be immune. Through all the contradictions in their lives, and despite their voluminous reflections on themselves, they seem utterly clueless about their own greed and avarice, all the while continuing to offer unsought advise about how other people can live up to their exalted moral standards.
-On a personal level, Nader may be the spartan moralist he claims to be, avoiding the lavish lifestyles of comrades in arms like Michael Moore. But in the end, he puts his faith in corporations and behaves like a traditional sweatshop boss. Co-ops and unions are great; but when you are trying to create a revolution, you are better off investing in corporations and working your employees to the bone.
-Far from acting in accordance with her professed principles, Pelosi in fact epitomizes the very attitudes and practices she claims to detest.
-Offshore businesses that avoid taxation are a Soros specialty.
-The Hollywood grapevine is filled with stories about how Barbra S. can be to those who work for her. "She was generous in terms of large amounts, he said, but absolutely mean and niggardly about the salaries of the working people she hired".
-While Steinem was writing those words, encouraging young woman to turn their backs on long-term relationships with men, she herself was engaged in a longtime relationship with television writer, producer and musician Blair Chotzinoff.
-Publicly Cornel West criticized middle class blacks for their greed and materialism. Privately, this socialist paragon revealed his true colors when he bought homes in two of Boston's best neighborhoods.
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