Two days traveling, discovering places and unexpected worlds… Destination unknown…
We feel harmony around us. Time and space have been banished from our conscience. I look at myself. Before I saw a sad silhouette. Now, there is a person smiling… joyful… jubilant…
If bliss exists, it must be this.
Nothing lasts forever yet. Any moment, can be the ending.
Each day that goes by since the instant in which I dared confronting myself tells me that nothing will be ever the same. I look backwards and I see myself reflected in the mirrors of stupidity playing a role in a tragicomedy with a tragic end…
I will never come back to that…
Strengths control my weakness. Each memory of vulgarity is replaced by a promise of change, change to stop being a shadow, a waste, a wreck… a caricature…
Because I renege from my past, from all the men that never rebel, those who never care about knowing themselves better… justified existences on cowardice… Don’t you realize that you are running out of time and you are still on time to soften your pain? Don’t you understand the true reasons why your blood is boiling, your are always in a bad mood?
Fight or at least try! But don’t keep dragging yourselves, stammering impossible desires, whispering dreams that destiny never granted you.
For every moment of struggle, the painful combat…there is less left… sooner than later it will dawn in your goal… the goal of yourselves…to be… to just… let it be…
The sequels of the tidal wave depend on the thickness of your more beautiful horizon…
The angels are offering you breaths to excommunicate the rage forever and ever…
Once you contemplated the beauty of the awakening among the embraces of the delirium…
The apparent tastes of wisdom when the eyes are blindfolded in the pure raining morning…
Whatever might be the reasons, the rain of the hearts, accepted them. The condemnation was insufficient to keep the winds away from the princess.
Now, the lukewarm morning rides with hope towards the last prairie. There, when the sun let itself be swung among the swans of the past, the miracle happens: the eyes of the silence join the peace of desire… The wedding colors the transparent tricks of the incredulity.
At the same time, the moribund bars of the song keep fleeing… It’s the moment of the truth… the sweet mist… the tender shaking… en route to the sun…
Another day. We keep going… We’re still together. My partner sleeps calmly… Myself, behind the wheel… possessed by unlimited thoughts… looking at Ariadna out of the corner of my eyes… rejoicing with her presence… so vulnerable… I feel time stops…
The ending became happy and a magic tainted while the road welcomes us in direction to the less traveled horizons…
I should be exhausted but a feeling of wholeness invades my being. The landscape around is glorious. Wonderful melodies are caressing life. The music is green and infinite woods gobble us…
Unexpectedly, she wakes up:
-Hi… pull over please…
-Here? Right now?
-Yes, yes… please…
I pull over. She get off with the impetus of a hurricane.
-Come here, please…
I am approaching where she is. It’s so cold. We are running through the wind among the trees of a desolated forest in a forgotten place.
Her short hair shines more than ever. She stumbles and falls on the wet grass… and stays… on her back…
-Look around... it's wonderful!
-I know...
A thunderous silence takes over the world. Ariadna remains pensive, absent... gone... And I stay bewildered... I don't know what to do nor to say... I just wait for her to come back from whatever place or dimension she just is...
I am scared because in her lost look there is a profound sadness as if she had contemplated herself pushed into a tragical precipice and without any chance to escape...
-Let’s go!
-What happened to you?
-Come back to car, please…
Her expression denotes an infinite indifference and uneasiness. We reach the car. By observing her, I understand that there is a distance of thousands of kilometers between us. Perhaps, it was always there and I did not want to see it, to accept it.
A mantle of silence… Minutes walk away in the disguise of centuries. In that irreverent quietness, I start feeling lonesome, almost stupid. Nothing makes sense. Her mood, actions, even breathing is so full of emptiness…
“No, I am not going to insist. I will not break her self-absorption…”
Once again, it comes back to me that familiar feeling that has been accompanying me since always that tells me that something goes wrong… that sooner than later, the tragedy will show up, that sensation of anguish and desperation that breaks my soul in dozens of pieces and confirms me that there is nothing worth fighting for…
In one occasion, someone told me that I would not be a good old man. Now throughout all these years, I am understanding what he meant…
Me… when at the age of three used to sob imagining a world without my presence… with others playing in the street… others being there instead… Awareness and death where there already… holding my hand from the beginning of my times… consciousness to live… eager to breathe…
…now… it’s just the opposite…
Yes… comparisons are just odious…
Feelings… always playing with us… The tricks of feelings… the fake of feelings… Once you would die for the person you love and after a while, you hate the very same person… How can be this possible?... We don’t know what we want and demand others chimeras and utopias. It seems so funny to me that stage of falling in which both infatuated knuckleheads swear eternal love to each other… forever!
After that, the duration of the relationship depends on their own self-esteem. Some prefer to continue at all costs. Although they know that there is nothing to hold on to, choose the lie rather than fighting because never believed in themselves.
Others, break up in order to justify themselves from their failures and a minority, abandon that pantomime in continual search of love and happiness…
I wish one day the world understands that it’s not possible love… that bliss cannot exist… that institutions like matrimony are a complete fraud… that the human beings are condemned to failure… because no matter how much we dream… we struggle, we envision… endure… nothing survives to the mirages of the everyday’s lies, suffering and hardship.
The fleeting joy flies fragile and pure like the butterfly who escaped from the dragon of our innermost tragedies. Huge amounts of ethereal land drench the wall of our imagination. Close… close enough, there is a little boy crying… thirsty for inspiration… inspiration to smile, to run, to laugh… He’s alone and seems to be radiant… a vulgar picture of abandonment and antipathy impregnates all the brilliance of the past and better lifetimes…
The rhythm of my heart decreases because I am searching for something that never existed… it was a time of princesses and noble missions… a time for greatness and purifying grace…
The corruption of hope joined everything… everyone…
No… there is no escape… the grave is set…
The two of us… lost… somewhere… in a very deep place of our own…
I look at her eyes. They are cold like ice. Her look is determined. Silence asks us for permission to quit.
Out there reigns darkness. Here indifference. Every instant, every passing moment, two spirits run towards opposite directions… still, quiet, anonymous, ruthless…
The echo of the clouds offers me the answer: disintegration. It shouts vicious truths in porcelain sighs.
Oh! I would love to hug you, right now… forever… having you in my arms where nothing bad would ever happen to you.
I imagine a regular life under the skin of fictitious premonitions of a future that never turns out real.
Her eyes… my eyes… fused in an anecdote of the dancing time. End… finish… conclusion… coming back… again…
My soul dresses for the occasion… tears as a warm coat… sad moans mingle with mimic captivities…
An unique falling star in her cheek… Transparent eyes… Her hand, freezing and majestic, avoids unnecessary duels…
The moon just succumbed to the eclipse… Universal peace… Blackness…
Thirsty laughter of gloom. I contemplate bare rants in their paradises of manure.
I need to continue on the loins of my delusions. I know that the penultimate station is going to welcome my death rattles.
If the music stops playing, something will have died and the poppies will come back to life.
My dreams! My soul! How painful is to keep breathing… longing…
The army of phonies comes towards me… I was always awaiting them. When they get here, the definitive scene will start to be recorded and everything will be forgotten.
I start shouting because it’s the only way for you to stop crying and tittering. You don’t know if you cry or laugh… you don’t know who set the taciturnity… You don’t know… don’t want to know…
I am walking… looking everywhere. Observing and getting blind… listening to and dying of freezing cold. Fate is missing in a rebellious betrayal and I am about to arrive. The almond trees flourishing and my spirit dry…
Time passed… that time of an era in which fatally I believed…
The world survives. It’s not odd. The pits can wait, and you? I climb the stage and look up. The very same Judas invites me to speak. I start babbling: insecurities and stammering. Gloomy flowers… gloomy sunrises…I need you! I don’t want the light because my reflection will be the reality. More lies in altars. And the reality cornered. Great genius in armors of ash. Me… just a shadow… Next to me, my guardian angel falls exhausted. He is tired of hiding my miserable heart… He is desperate because his protégée is a banshee and just understood that there is not any other way…
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